November 18, 2008

Okay, I need to vent. I’m not sure why I chose a public medium to do so but I’m going to put myself out there. I’m going to put my concerns into an itemized list so I can stop fretting them for the time being.

I am being repeatedly disrespected at work by one person in particular.
Said person has been late four cumulative hours this week (it’s tuesday).
I am trying to help that person grow, but it is proving very difficult for me. It feels like by trying to help them, the worst parts come out against me. (A wise man once described that as “the demons fighting back”)
Last week I considered them my best friend. I cannot say that with confidence anymore. I do not feel like I have a best friend. Not to be emo-boo-hoo about it, but if you asked me who my best friend is, i wouldn’t have an answer. actually, probably Tween.
The lone ray of light in the cold December of my days – Futurama

I have a very low tolerance for bullshit at the moment. Could be coupled from the large amount of BS i put up in my previous relationship. I think this may be contributing to conflicts, but with all the strength in me I can’t seem to put up with it anymore. It seems that the only way to deal with some of this problems is to ignore them or address them. And even the simplest of issues (like being late) triggers an avalanche of excuses and rationalizations.
When I think of this person, the word that comes to mind is “despicable”. It’s harsh. It is not with the person them self; it’s the behavior that’s running on autopilot. Disrespectful, immature, dirty, escapist way of dealing with potential problems. I say potential because with a little restraint they’re wouldn’t even BE problems. I feel tapped so thin right now, and I’m not seeing any improvement. It’s discouraging. All I notice are calls for affirmation.

I learned the proper use of a semicolon today; they’re quite useful.

kay, I feel a little better. I am still pretty upset, but I think I’m going to head over to Dorreen’s hosue to watch a movie with some people. I’m going to bring Tween and attempt to socialize her with other kitties. I’m also going to get a bottle of win, cause I want to drink wine tonight.


One Response to “venting”

  1. emilyplayscello said

    i’ve definitely gone through times where i felt like i had no best friend and i was really alone (and with no cat!) but those times can be the best for personal growth and satisfying your own goals. you can really focus on yourself, and that’s a great thing.

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